The Monster in the Closet

What are you afraid of?

This question has been floating around in my head for the past few months.

Something has been off in my life. Honestly, I’ve felt this way for quite some time but I’ve done my best to ignore the pain that was obviously eating me alive slowly but surely. You see, I believe before I sat down to write this post that I was on my way to a slow death. A bit dramatic…absolutely but I need you to understand the seriousness of what I know to be true.

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Let me start from the beginning. About a year and a half ago, I was having lunch with a friend who wanted to get a few things off her chest. Anyone who knows me knows that when they sit down with me (1) they will get my full attention and (2) I’m going to keep it real…all the way real…sometimes a little too real. Lol.  Anyways, my friend was in the midst of getting her issues out and into the open,  when I politely but forcefully proclaimed, “Girlllll, you have to LIVE YOUR TRUTH.” {Insert a little bit of a head roll/nod with some hand movement – I’ve been told I talk with my hands}

She took a moment and just looked at me as I continued to chow down on my chips. I could tell she had an ahh moment {cue the Oprah theme music} because her eyes lit up like stars. Without hesitation she told me that she wanted to host an evening at her home for a few ladies and she wanted me to come and talk.

Uhhhhhhh….. No hablo ingles!

I immediately started to laugh and brushed the whole thing off. And honestly, I didn’t think twice about what she said until she reached back out a few weeks later to ask what my availability looked like for the month of July. And even then, I was still thinking  that she was just blowing smoke. {Can anyone say denial}  A week later I received a handwritten invitation in the mail inviting me to a special evening at her home that was called “LIVE YOUR TRUTH.”

WTF! What in the world was I going to say?!?! Don’t nobody want to hear me talk. Yeah, I might have a couple of zingers but I ain’t no Dr. Phil or Iyanla. I love me some Joyce Meyer and T.D. Jakes but clearly I’m not a minister. What in the world could I offer that hasn’t been offered before?!?! The thoughts and then the fears and then the anxieties began to pile up one by one -ready to attack and ready to take your girl out before she even stepped into the ring.

By coincidence/fate, I came across an excellent book by Brene Brown, who also has one of the most popular Ted Talks on Vulnerability, a few days later. That book and that talk confirmed what I already knew without even knowing, that vulnerability a.k.a. “Living Your Truth” yields authenticity. And people are in dire straits for something authentic  these days, even if they don’t realize it yet. We live in a world where the golden rule is to “fake it to you make it.” Why work hard when you can simply purchase what you haven’t earned the right to own. We live in a get rich quick, lay on your a**, collect your check, pass go type of world – where the truth is frowned upon and the sex, lies and videotapes make headlines every single day.

These thoughts and “truths” have infiltrated our society and have tainted the way we see life and how we live life. People need to see and hear the truth – but how far was I willing to go with my truth. I didn’t even know who would be on the guest list…could I be all the way honest with these people? What would they think if they really knew my story? I prayed for a moment of clarity and the truth was that I only got to this place by being me! No faking, no pretending, no stuntin’ – just me being me. Now was not the time to deny myself or my truth from freeing someone else from bondage.

 

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Guys I kid you not, that evening, that moment, that space was so pure, so raw, so authentic and genuine. After I was finished, I was so amazed by the response from the group and their willingness to open up and Live Their Truth in front of a bunch of people they really didn’t know. Sounds amazing right…well it was, but then there was this moment where I had a bit of an out of body experience…where I felt myself looking at myself and for the first time seeing what other people have said that they see in me and IT SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME!

Why? Why, did I let that moment of clarity scare me? And the thing is, I knew that some type of “test” would come after I made the choice to LIVE MY TRUTH and speak LIFE and ENERGY into these women because that is how the enemy works. When you’re living below your means and i’m not talking finances boo – I mean when you’re living  below your God given abilities, life is probably not so bad for you. But when you muster up the courage and actually decide to step out on faith…oh, all hell will begin to break loose in your life. You see the game?

We are in the midst of a battle and the prize is YOUR SPIRIT, YOUR JOY, YOUR HEART, YOUR DREAMS, YOUR POWER, YOUR LOVE… and the enemy is willing to do whatever it takes, for however long it takes, to prevent you from carrying out your mission. We all have a unique part to play in life, which means we were all equipped with a different set of gifts that all work together to serve the body of Christ. Do not spend one more day comparing yourself, your gifts, your talents, your mishaps or your failures to anyone else…God blessed you with a unique fingerprint and there is NO ONE that can do what you were put on this earth to do.Believe me when I say I understand how “easy” it is to give into fear. I’ve let the fear of my TRUTH, my PURPOSE and my REALITY get in the way of doing what I’ve been called to do.

And so, I’m right back where this story first began. Something has been off in my life and I have chose to deny what only feels right to me for fear of judgment from my friends and family. I didn’t create this blog for the sake of just creating another blog on the internet; I created this blog because I felt led to speak about the Journey of Life. I want to embrace the ups & downs that include the best and worst moments of our lives because its all relative to our unique fingerprint. Your story is just that…its YOURS and no one will ever be able to take your experience or testimony away from you. Life is so much more than being happy when things are going good because the reality is that you will spend most of your life waiting, working, praying and hoping…so why not learn to enjoy the ride. In the meantime, I believe my purpose, for now, is to show how you truly can learn to LIVE FOR THE JOURNEY….that even when your world appears to be falling apart, you have the ability to access this energy and grace that will provide you with peace that surpasses all understanding AND even when nothing is right, everything is all right.

So there you have it…I guess I was the monster in my own closet the whole time! Ask yourself…what you really are afraid of; be honest because the truth might just set you and the monster in YOUR closet free!

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